It's hard for me to write this. My brain is full of static. I put this off several days because of that...
We just finished our sixth year doing Christmas shows. It's gotten bigger and better every year. I put so much of myself into this. It's been the most important thing I've had going on for a while now. I announced my retirement from live performing at the beginning of the year and the bash was my final performance. Bittersweet. Still didn't have things the way I want them... but, for what it was, it was good.
As with any big show, I really get into my head afterwords. I don't really have friends to talk to. People I can share with. I suffer from a list of things including severe depression. It always gets worse during this season. That's part of why I do this show. So people with similar feelings have somewhere to go, to let loose and unwind... Somewhere they can go and get a gift and maybe have Christmas feel a little bit like it did when we were still children... if for a brief moment. Afterwords everything begins to crash down for me. I keep trying to pull through for everyone. For my family, my cat and my birds.
This year, it seems like a few people really "got" what I was trying to do. There were some nice compliments online and I'll share one below. These make me want to try this again. I want to make it through another year and come back to perform for Christmas again. I hope I can and I hope I'll see everyone there again.
- Christophe
Photos Jesse Edgar took of the event are up in my gallery now here: https://christopheonline.com/galleries/963413/jesse-edgar-photography-6th-annual-x-mas-bash
This post really made me feel. I wept when I read it. My friend Ana Gram posted this on Facebook along with a video of one of the songs from my set. See the original post here: https://fb.watch/hzJeyTSWeI/
"Last night was the 6th annual Xmas Day Bash, put on by Christophe Murdock and Darlington. If you've never been to one of these shows, ya gotta. These two put these shows on every year. They wrap dozens of gifts, and make sure every single person who walks through the door gets a present. Everyone gets a hug and something to eat. This might seem kinda normal for the season, but it isn't, really.
For some of us, this is all the holidays we have. There's no family. There's no traditions. For some, no home. All we have is eachother and that means *everything*. Christophe and Darlington have made sure all us punk kids here in OKC have had *something*, every year for the last six years. This is what community looks like. This is what scene feels like. It doesn't matter what body you're in or where you came from. We're connected through the music, art and each other, and everyone's welcome. Everyone's safe. Everyone's protected.
I know that people often associate punk with scary things and anarchy, but I gotta say, if you had been in the room when everyone walked in and saw a hundred hand cut snowflakes hanging from the ceiling and a 9 foot tall tree, you might question that. It was babes in Toyland! The smiles. The joy. Even my jaded heart had to love Christmas a little today.
This is a video I took last nignt of when the snowball fight happened on stage. The snowball fight was *still going* an hour later, and is one of my most favorite things to ever happen at a live show on stage. Ever, and I've been to so many shows I forget I've actually seen the band I've "always wanted to see" on a regular basis, so that says a lot.
Thank you, Christophe and Darlington for all your hard work, for the bands that came out and played, Kinda Creepy, Christophe and the Love Donations, Darlington and Psychotic Reaction for a great show and for giving all of us a space to come together, be as we are, be accepted and feel wanted. After all, the most rebellious thing a person can do in this day and age is be happy and share love in spite of everything. "
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